I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
