ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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