Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
