i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
