I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
