clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
