My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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