That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I checked into jail on foursquare
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
