I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
