I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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