so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
