if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
