dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
