If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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