The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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