so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i now understand why vodka
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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