It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
