Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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