roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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