We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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