Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
