So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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