Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
