Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How external is "for external use only"?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
