I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
