i may or may not be watching the land before time
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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