Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
