if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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