I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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