she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
