What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
