Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize