Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
