Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
