So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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