My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
