Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
