yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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