is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
