It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
