Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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