is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Terrible idea I love it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
