please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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