He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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