what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
