Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
