Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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