you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
