I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
