I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to cum in my sink.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
